Friendships can sometimes low-key feel like a full on relationship, and when they end you’re left feeling a bit lost and resentful ,like what happened, what did I do, what did she do, where did it all go wrong, at first you post the subs on social media (thank you very much Pinterest 🙂 then you un-follow each other and before you know it, months and years go by and you become complete strangers, you barely even both say hi, when you bump into each other in public, sigh, I have been there! Yes quiet me, with my 5 friends I can count on just one hand.
I remember one day, my best friend and I were talking about friendships in general, and how we’ve made friends, lost some and outgrown some. We as human beings, are constantly changing, who I was at 20 and what I desired in a friend is not what I want at 30. Honestly when I was a kid, I was just happy if anyone called me a friend, no matter how dysfunctional or problematic they were I didn’t know better (did any of us) but now eh, I am extremely selective, I really don’t do drama/ wahala very well, I am not Captain Save A Friend, meaning I love myself enough to step away if I feel like the emotional baggage you bring to the table may be too much for me to handle.
One of the biggest lessons I have learnt is to make friends with people who like you, really like you, not just the people who want to hang out with you because they feel you have something in common, and this will take some time for you to discover, I believe in prayerfully selecting friends and using wisdom, I never used to do this though, but I have learnt enough lessons to understand the importance of this.
Not everybody will be your friend and that is okay, don’t force it, God will bring good and amazing people into your life who will love and accept you for who you are, but you must appreciate them and reciprocate always, support them emotionally and in whatever ways you can, and also see the goodness in them as they do you.
Do not chase after people, repeat after me do not chase anyone’s friendship, the only person you should chase after is Jesus Christ. If people love you, and desire to be in your life they will give of themselves freely, they will show it in actions and words. If someone shows you who they are and what they want from you, believe them.
And this is for you guys, you know yourselves, the ones who will go weeks without speaking to a friend because she forgot to invite you out to dinner, when she went with Shola and Amara ( side note if you are over 25 and you have friends like this, What are you doing sis?!).
The ones who think it is okay to be a bitch to their friend because they had a bad day, the ones who are happy to bring the wine for the heartbreak, the job losses, the storms, but find it hard to bring the champagne for the successes, if you are dealing with such a person as a friend, then that individual is not your friend, plain and simple, it doesn’t matter if you have known for 10 years or you guys went to the same nursery school and you say ”Oh that is how so and so is”, is that what you want to settle for? Quite frankly if you tolerate this kind of behavior then it speaks volumes on you as an individual and how much you value yourself.
Please there is no shame in walking away from toxic people, you can even pray for them from afar, and in order to thrive we must learn to surround ourselves with kind and loving people. No one is perfect we all have our issues…but issues don’t define us our responses do, and quite frankly just be honest and talk to your friend about how you really feel, express your dissatisfaction with her behavior or your personal frustrations in a mature and open manner. Above all let love and forgiveness lead always, always. The bible says we should forgive each other seventy times seven times (Matthew 18:22), that means as many times as possible, honestly just let it go, Forgive, forget and love, nobody is perfect, we all mess up a lot.
I have let go of a lot of friendships that no longer serve me, I have people who were in my life as recently as three years ago and who I have known since I was 13 who I no longer speak to, I don’t mourn the loss of the friendships so much, i did initially but, time has passed I have met new people who literally brighten up my day, I’m fine and you will be too.