The value of responsibility

Adulting is hard, let no one lie to you or fool you, there are times when all I want to do is lay in bed and eat ice cream, but I cannot. I mean even I tried to be a bum I need to pay my bills. Perhaps through no fault of our own, a lot of us millennials seem to exist in a state of perpetual adolescence, we are leaving the nest and getting married later in life compared to our baby boomer parents; we are a duty averse generation; we dislike long-term commitments and we crave flexibility in all forms.

The fact is responsibility gives meaning to adult life; it is unavoidable. Depending on how you look at it, it can denote stoicism in the face of unhappiness or it can be the pathway to ownership and complete autonomy over your life. It can get you things like a fulfilling career, a successful relationship or even help you find your purpose. The problem is, these days, we have given the word responsibility a bad rep, and we avoid it like the plague, because it also comes at a cost. It forces you to grow up, losing freedom, innocence and unbridled hedonism. It makes us conscious; we realize that there are consequences of inaction, we can no longer bury our head in the sand, and we get to stare reality in the face, no matter how uncomfortable it may be.

But even if we had the chance, to spend some time in an alternate universe with no responsibilities would that make us happy?.

Would we become bored, nihilistic perhaps, you know how it is when you go on vacation for over 5 days and you have just about had enough sightseeing and margaritas you can handle. 

Humans need obligations and duties, we are beasts of burden, as much as we complain, we enjoy the grind; we relish the hustle, as the saying goes no food for a lazy man, the cost of achieving anything, is doing what we realize we ought to do, every time.

 But being responsible just for the sake of material success is rather simplistic and will not be enough motivation for everyone. 

Truth is, doing the right thing, may not make you Oprah Winfrey, it is not a one-way ticket to prosperity or fame. But, I am yet to meet someone who shoulders the weight of their being with enthusiasm and resoluteness that isn’t thriving and leading a fulfilled life. Life is about showing up every day, determined to make the most of it, even when you don’t feel like it, because what is on the other side of the coin is unpleasant.

So as I sit here writing about adulthood and responsibility, I have a laundry lists of tasks to do that I keep procrastinating. Single, married or divorced with children, life can be a challenge and it’s easy to get overwhelmed. We are limited by 24 hours and even if we had more hours who is to say that we would use them all efficiently? We cannot worry about tomorrow, without fulfilling our responsibilities for today, because if we take care of what we have to today, then tomorrow becomes a little easier and then the next day.



The Love Series: 3 Ways I Learnt About Love The Right Way.

It will be valentine’s day in a few days, and I may spend it alone, I will sit at home and have my glass of Moscato (yes please), but might skip out on the chocolate, I’m on a diet. 

I know many single women, experience anxiety on this day, chances are you will have a serious case of FOMO.

So prepare yourself, fake illness, avoid social media or take on some extra load of work on that day so you are too busy to imagine, the fun other people are having, go ahead, I won’t judge.

 Last year, as I sat on the couch minding my business, my flat mate walked in, and asked me what I was doing for valentine’s day, I looked up perplexed at the question (homegirl knew I was single with no prospects in sight LOL); smiling, I said nothing.

We then,engaged in our usual 30 minutes’ conversation about men, lack of men, relationships, the usual, I don’t like to engage too much in these kinds of conversations, because I sometimes find they stem from a place of a perceived lack of contentment, with being single, and that is fine,but sometimes it gets tiring.

Anyway, with valentine’s day coming up, it got me reminiscing about my love life or lack thereof,the other day someone mentioned that I appeared to be a romantic at heart, I chuckled, they had no clue. 

I have been single on every valentine’s, since as far back as I can remember, well for most of my adult life. I wonder if that’s sad or intriguing haha. 

Long lasting romantic love is something that has eluded me, I’ve had short-lived affairs, a few “talking to’’ but never any real deep bond or lasting connection. 

On one hand, I’ve never had to live with cheating or being scarred by any man, I’ve shed a few tears, had thoughts of what could have been, and berated myself for being naïve but i count it as experience in making me a better storyteller.

I realized it’s because I am emotionally independent, too much so, I don’t say this from a place of the  strong independent woman narrative (that’s not what I am about).

 I’ve never been someone who has always looked outside myself for happiness or fulfillment or at least I didn’t feel like I needed to, but I realize now that love is a gift because it gives you the opportunity to share your life with someone.

I thought about how I would approach my blog posts this month then I remembered the Ariana Grande song Thank You, Next, and the infamous line, one taught me love, one taught me patience and one taught me pain (the memes on social media were hilarious). 

 I will share my experiences about love, dating and the three lessons I have learnt about love . I’ve been on a one post a month tip lately just focusing on the quality and not the quantity of my content, but this month is special, and since it’s more personal, I will share a lot, so I will try keep the posts coming.

I hope you all enjoy



All I Want Is You

Loving ain’t easy. Loving God ain’t easier, Why? Because you cannot love someone you do not know, it is really that simple. I ask myself sometimes if I really love God, every day I try to work on my relationship with God, most times it is most certainly not perfect ( The Lord is patient and merciful with me, because hmmm), I really get easily distracted, being a Christian is a hard walk, don’t let anybody fool you into thinking it’s all fun and games. I struggle a lot with developing intimacy with God, this I believe was the original plan of God’s interaction with mankind, a loving and deeply intimate relationship,like a marriage if you will, you know sometimes when I get the time to read my bible(ever so often) and I read about God’s original plan for mankind, I get disheartened about what could have been and excited about what will be, I literally do a happy dance when I read the promises of God( lol i can be annoyingly extra sometimes), developing a love relationship with God requires brokenness, humility and openness, you need to see yourself for what you are, lost and in need of saving, you need to be humble enough to let the spirit of God work in you and through you, to teach you and give you wisdom, and you have to be open enough to say OK Lord, here I am this is me, I may not be perfect, but I’m willing to allow you use me and take what you created and make of it as you originally designed, teach me how to love you and how to do your will.

This is what God wants from us to desire him above everything else, that is why he tells us to seek first the kingdom of God, and its righteousness, that is why in Jesus’s first letter to the seven churches in the book of Revelations more specifically to the church at Ephesus, he tells them to remember their first love. That is why he told the children of Israel, to have no other God’s or graven images asides him, graven images are not just limited to gods of iron and ivory, it could mean your social status, your ambitions, your accomplishments, the balance in your bank account, even wholesome things like the time you spend working out or hanging out with your friends and family, volunteering at church or at the homeless shelter, anything you place before God is an idol. To be honest I never really understood why God wants us to love him above everything else, I never really understood why we should love God, God is certainly worthy of praise because he is good, he is kind, he is a miracle worker and a covenant keeper but beyond that God as your creator, knows that the best things that can come out of your life and to your life,can come only  from having a loving relationship with him (Ephesians 8:28). God doesn’t want us to go through life alone, groping in the dark lost on our purpose, used and abused by people who are even more lost and confused than us, used by the enemy as punching bags, defeated and weighed down by the trials and the challenges of this world, he wants to lead us by still waters, restore our souls and give us peace, that causes us to have joy even if we are going through financial storms, or even when we are depressed because we don’t know what our future holds.

When you love someone, you like to do what makes them happy, even when it causes you some discomfort, how much more God, whose word is sure, and has promised us that all things will work together for our advantage if we love him and walk according to his purpose for our lives, this means that sometimes when he tells us to do things even if we don’t really like it, or it was not the path we initially wanted for ourselves, we must trust that whatever happens it will only be to our advantage.

Desiring to truly know God for ourselves (not just what a pastor says) is one of  the best things we can do for ourselves, if we truly believe that God is the creator of the universe, the beginning and the end of everything, the one who sent his son to die for us (something none of us have deserved or can do anything to deserve) and his word shows us that he desires this fellowship with us then what is stopping us? Are we so distracted by the cares of this world that, serving and loving God wholeheartedly seems so insignificant or something we want to leave to our old age when we have made all the money? Or is it that we care about what people will say? How they will see us? We may come across as too holy, rigid and prude, the reality is that people and their opinions will not be there for you when the storms of life rage, and when you have lost all hope and you have no one else to turn to but God.

I always seem to talking about seeking God, because the truth  is when I write these posts I am writing them to myself, in my 29 years of being in this earth I have to come realize that being in right standing with God is extremely important to my well-being as a human being. I am always going on a journey every day to be closer to my creator, I hope and my  prayer is that when I write, my words reflect my deepest emotions and thoughts and it helps you someway in your walk with God too.

When a depressed king writes a book

I think at some point in his life King Solomon he was depressed, I just finished a study of the book of Ecclesiastes, and I have to say, I have never seen the word meaningless used to describe so many things, so many times. The book of Ecclesiastes is a bit odd, here goes the wisest man who ever lived, who had 700 wives and 300 concubines, he built quite an impressive temple, he made Israel a very rich and prosperous kingdom, yet he was a deeply depressed man when he wrote this book, he comes across as tired, world weary and forlorn. To be honest this is not one of the books you read in the bible if you want a nice pick-me-up, there are no promises of God in this book, and there are no stories of great feats and God’s awesome power. it’s just a book about a man who is looking back at life from a vantage point and asking what is really the point? Is it really worth it? And he is asking the same question we all ask ourselves what is the meaning of life?, We all know this man was very wise, very wealthy, led a pretty hedonistic life by all accounts, had want for nothing yet he was still unhappy. We all know the popular saying that money doesn’t make you happy (I beg to differ lol) but I think King Solomon goes deeper with the topics he explores. He doesn’t just state that money doesn’t make you happy, he says that everything we seek to pursue in life is ultimately meaningless, because no matter how rich, poor, sad, happy, blessed in this life we are, one day it will come to an end, everything we do on earth is temporary and is sure to have an expiration date, therefore one day all that we have achieved or will achieve will become as nothing. That is pretty nihilistic, King Solomon makes death, the only sure certainty in life, the true fate of all men.

So what then, he’s told us that all we strive for under the sun is pointless and meaningless, what are we supposed to do with that? Are we supposed to fold our arms and just sit in the sun and wait to die? I mean of course we need to labor, we need to eat, we need to live lives, but what is the point of it all if everything is so futile, King Solomon makes it clear that without God, life is meaningless. Living for the here and now, does not profit you much because the things we strive for we cannot take them with us when we die, we must therefore live for things that carry eternal weight and value. Earthly success is good and profitable because, first we must realize every good thing comes from God, the ability to work, to excel, to make profit and to live comfortable lives is a gift from God, we should take pride in our labor and learn to enjoy the fruits of our hard work while we are still alive, and most importantly use what God has blessed us with to help people, but in everything we do we need to learn to put God at the center because ultimately, not only is he the giver of life and the gifts that come with life but also he decides your eternal destiny which is what really matters. The book of Ecclesiastes is a reality check if there ever was one, we all know these things, yet we all get so carried away and caught up in the daily grind and “hustle’’, we get jealous, envious about other things that other people have, we moan and complain when we don’t have like so and so, we pursue countless hobbies, we waste time on things that don’t really matter, we fail to realize that all these pursuits are futile if we don’t live our lives with God at the center and allow his hands to guide us.

I have always seen Ecclesiastes as a rather somber book, but this is honestly the first time I read it and realized that it is actually a book of hope, I daresay an optimistic book, King Solomon sums it up by saying that the whole duty of man is to fear God and keep his commandments. I mean that’s all he has to say? The wisest man who ever lived, no deep thought provoking philosophy? The truth is that we humans like things to be complicated, King Solomon has given it to us rather straight and simple, and as the book of psalm 144:4(KJV) says that man is like to vanity: his days are as a shadow that passeth away. Our lives are short and brief, therefore we must spend and number our days wisely, we are not to get lost and caught up in pursuits that are futile, we must always be focused on doing what is right by God (and each other) always, we should take each and every good thing that happens to us as a blessing and a gift from God. We should strive to enjoy each and every day( this can be very hard when you are unemployed, are sick, have countless bills to pay etc.) , live our lives as passionately as we can, and ultimately seek guidance and purpose from God so that we do not get lost chasing the wind.

2018 will be your year if..

Happy New Year to anyone reading this blog, I pray that the start of the New Year meets you well, everyone is back to work, back to school, probably 10 pounds heavier, this is when the new year resolutions start kicking in, lose weight, eat healthy, start going to church more often, endless declarations come in of how 2018 will be your year of breakthrough, abundance, insert whatever grandiose superlative you wish to describe 2018.

To be honest I don’t have any New Year resolutions this year, this year I will be turning 30 in May, so 2018 is actually quite a big year for me, this year is the first time in my life I started thinking about legacy and what I want to have 20, 30 years from now, maybe I am growing up I don’t really know, I find that a new year’s resolution has to be something that moves you towards a long-term goal of what you actually want your life to look like in a few years’ time, guaranteed 2018 may very well be your year, but what about 2020, 2036, 2050?!, New year’s resolutions are great and a good kick-start, but they are too short-term, for me anyway, nevertheless 2018 can still be your year if you so desire, these tips are what I plan to implement in my life, please don’t quote me and don’t get mad, if come 31st December 2018, and you realize 2018 ,was actually a pretty tough year for you, all good things will come in due time, to them who work hard, are expectant and trust the Lord.

Stay off social media

Hmmm even as I am writing this I know I this is for me, social media is great for entertainment, distraction, business, networking, gossiping, being up to speed with what is going on but very bad for personal development, very bad. Firstly, it is a waste of time on mindless activity that really doesn’t add value, unless you are very mindful of who you follow and what content you allow to enter into your consciousness, chances are you are being sub-consciously fed a lot of images and words that really don’t add a significant value to your personal development, yes I know there are weight loss gurus, spiritual counsellors and a host of other content that offer help and inspiration to people’s life, but by and large it’s mostly just endless gossip we go to read at Theshaderoom or instablog9ja,once in a while escapism is good but when it becomes the order of the day there is a problem, all that time spent arguing pointlessly or passing idle comments on social media can be used to pursue your passions, chase your dreams, hell even just sleeping is better than spending idle time on social media. Another problem I have is that social media encourages hive mentality and encourages us to seek social validation unnecessarily, how many times have you seen (I’m guilty of this too) , so many people jump on various bandwagon just because it is trending, without understanding the critical nuances that are involved in a situation, resist the urge to repost or repeat what you see just because it is popular or trending, try to think critically about why such and such is happening, and honestly share less, most especially about your personal life, there was a time when people got engaged, got married, got divorced, died without people who weren’t close to them not knowing a thing about this, times have changed, as a growing business owner I love social media, as someone who loves to write and has a curious mind I love social media, but I’m beginning to develop a disdain for the unhealthy ego trip and feeding of my vanity that it sometimes may provide to me unknowingly, the truth is that the exposure of social media has led to countless growth in opportunities for SME’s, but somethings need to stay personal and private, not only do you need to be careful about the losses you share, but also your successes you are exposing pieces of you to countless numbers of people who don’t even know you personally, but are making judgments about your personality based on the images and words you put out, you are letting people into your lives everyday whether you choose to recognize it or not, be very calculated about your image and presence, you also have to be careful to ensure that,  you are not building a persona online that is really not you, don’t get carried away by the likes and the comments, be sure that who you are online is who you are in real life, before there was Instagram there was MySpace, and after Instagram/twitter/snapchat there will be something else don’t get too caught up in the hype, anything more than 20 minutes a day on social media minus posting or responding to dm’s is a waste of time, if it’s not making you money then it really doesn’t make any sense to spend that long on social media apps I’m sorry.

Embrace your differences

You must learn to be comfortable with the things that make you different, we all cannot be the same, and we all come with our individual quirks and that is what makes us who we are. I have always felt my entire life,like I have never really fit in. Most people don’t know this, (maybe they do), but by nature I’m a loner and i am also an ambivert which means, i have both introverted and extroverted traits which makes me always feel like I’m in between. The truth is what we are always searching and looking for something/someone who is different, nobody wants the status quo, even Jesus wasn’t the status quo in his time.

There is a reason and a purpose why God made you the way you are, you must get comfortable with yourself, do not try to fit into a box that was not made for you, what works for Tola may not work for Chioma. Take time to learn and study yourself, pick friends that make you feel that it’s ok to be you, surround yourself with people who validate and see you for who you are, there is a reason why Beyoncé is Beyoncé there is no other female in her industry who is quite like her. Don’t waste time wishing you were someone else or you had someone’s looks, or their charm or their elegance, or their intelligence, or their taste in fashion, that only breeds envy and you start looking down on yourself and soon enough low self-esteem will begin to fester. Always remember that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, you are unique and one of a kind, for as long as the earth has been and will be, there will be nobody ever like you, you came to earth with your own unique assignment and calling, you were destined to have a particular career path, meet a particular partner, and reflect your creator in your own way, why would you want to trade that for being at best a poor copy of someone else.

Read a lot

Finding time to read is hard, finding spare time to do anything these days is hard, most especially books, most of us have sworn off books since we left school, but the truth is that knowledge is great power, and in order to acquire knowledge you have to read. Make time this year to read, I know it’s very common this time of the year for us to focus on self-help books but don’t stop there please, read as extensively as you can and as time permits, if you ever wanted to learn how to cook certain dishes etc. find a book and read, if you ever wanted to know how the world operates find a book on politics and read in 2018, vow to be knowledgeable. Don’t let your information on politics be solely based on CNN or Facebook, or anything else for that matter, even read fiction and romance novels because honestly they make you more imaginative, and who knows what kind of creativity can be sparked from imaginative thinking.


Self-First Others Next

Invest in yourself first and foremost in 2018, helping people is great and all and I encourage it, but fill your own cup first, are you always the first one people run to when they need advice? ,  When they need help when the bill is due?, when they  need you to do this or that favor and you are all too willing to pick up their calls, be at their beck and call, listen as they talk incessantly about their plans and their problems, this needs to stop in 2018, you have to learn how to be selfish with your energy and how much of yourself you give to people. By all means help, but sometimes learn to say no when you are truly incapacitated, don’t say yes just because you don’t want the person to think you are not a  bad person or wicked, the truth is that it is that if you are always there for other people can you honestly say they will be there for you the same way when the chips are down? 2018 is the year you focus on your own self, your own dreams, your own goals, your own desires, the truth is that nobody cares about you more than you do, nobody cares about your goals and dreams like you do, hell most of your friends may be supportive and say nice kind encouraging words now and again but the truth is that they too are chasing their own dreams, they too want their own name in lights, friends are good and if you have really good friendships honor and cherish them, but do not let their lives and problems consume yours, there is nothing wrong with limiting social interactions that do not benefit your life goals, there is nothing wrong with cutting off people who are more interested in taking than they are at  giving, there is nothing wrong in cutting off people who only seem to want to gossip all the time, who never offer constructive criticism to your ideas (yes you need to surround yourself with people that are not yes men/women), please don’t feel sorry if you don’t feel like hanging around certain people because you have outgrown certain behaviors that no longer suit your purpose, recognize the season you  are in and realize with seasons come people, know who is there for a season and what purpose will they serve.

Develop a daily spiritual practice

I didn’t want to put this first so that I don’t scare people away from reading this. Now I’m not going to force-feed religion down anybody’s throat, faith is based on personal conviction done by the Holy Spirit that is not my job. Having a daily spiritual practice is necessary, you don’t have to be a Christian, but we all have a soul that’s needs to be nourished. We live in a world that has completely dedicated to focusing on the material, we workout endlessly, we eat ‘’clean’’, we buy nice clothes, we look good and take care of the outside, but we forget the part of us that is largely unseen and mostly unnoticed, how do we nourish our soul, I believe having a daily spiritual practice is important, having some quiet time with God even if it is 10-15 mins daily, listening to hymns, gospel music, reading your bible, meditation whatever it is, just a short time you set aside every day to nourish and feed your spirit will help to keep you centered,whole and happy, you need something to remind you that there is more to life that what we see and more importantly to connect with your creator because from him flows the source of all life. Our time on earth is so short I can vaguely remember my teen years and yet I am here almost going to be 30 in a few months, choose to spend each day wisely, by starting the day right with a solid spiritual practice, there will come a point where you get so used to it you won’t be able to start you day without it.

I really wish 2018 is the year for all those who read this blog, I wish and I pray that it is the year where all the things you desire for yourself come to pass, but more importantly I wish it a year of tremendous personal growth and development, a year where you discover your life’s purpose and fully live it and become all your creator destined you to be.


Is The Future Godless

I don’t know how I feel about writing this topic, I have been thinking about this for quite a number of days now something I observe, a sermon here or there, a comment made, a law passed, everywhere you go religion is slowly being made irrelevant in today’s’ society. It is deemed as too outdated, too sexist, too homophobic, too violent, too restrictive, just too much of everything bad. God just doesn’t seem fun anymore, or cool or hip, even the traditional idea of God that we had is fast eroding, the God of the bible, a personal God, is being replaced with a new-age wishy washy, God is in everyone and everything, God is a supreme being, something that you know is there you don’t have quite any reverence for but you feel it is ultimately in control. Now at the end of the day, I firmly believe that everybody is allowed to be as irreligious as they choose to be, I have a live and let live approach to faith, I am not going to ram anything down anybody’s throat or force you to believe in what I believe in, however, as a collective I really want us to stop and think of what we are doing to ourselves, when we eliminate religion or the fear of God if you will. Now I know religion, which ever you pick has been blamed for so many ills in the world today, from scamming pastors who “preach” that tithing is necessary for blessings and who allegedly live off those said tithes depending on who you follow on Instagram, to radical Islam that has spurred so many heinous terrorist attacks we have even lost count, people have been said to have killed in God’s name, committed acts in Gods’ name and if you are religious and you are opposed to certain views you are labelled a bigot before you even open your mouth. It’s becoming tougher and tougher to hold on to seemingly archaic views, not to mention that there has been so much expansion in man’s intelligence, and the ability to explain everything scientifically, it almost seems impossible to believe in miracles anymore, reverence for God , going to church, even observing religious ceremonies don’t seem to matter anymore. Talk less of the liberal onslaught of western ideals via globalization to the rest of the worlds’ psyche and you have a perfect storm. So do we really still need God? I mean when it comes to the crux of the matter is a future without God really that bad, I mean asides from the obvious cultural and cohesive benefits religion/God brings to communities and the society at large, what does God/ religion really have to offer, I mean let’s be honest, we all know that culture is being shaped increasingly by social media, hence I find myself asking this question constantly, what is the relevance of faith in a post-modern society? How do we factor God in our daily decisions on how we vote, or the issues that really matter to us? The reality is what happens in the personal, always spills over to the public space. It’s not like we woke up one day and we decided that God didn’t matter any longer. The change started from us, we thought we didn’t need God in our own lives, we didn’t need him to tell us what to do, how to think, who to marry, what was right for us according to what his will was in our lives. Then we thought why should he decide how we vote, what was important when it came to social issues, why should a book written 2,000 years ago written by men with highly suspicious characters be the text to decide how we feel about fundamental issues of life, and slowly and rather quite joyfully we deemed God irrelevant. As I sit here and write this blog, I don’t know how I feel about this, the truth is that we don’t want this to change, man is rebellious in nature, we love doing things our own way, right or wrong, good or bad, we are quite happy taking God out of the picture. Most people in Africa might disagree and say oh but this isn’t applicable to us, this only happens in the west, oh but it is coming, the dissenters have started first they are going for tithes paying (I’m not even going to go into that), next they will probably bring up the oppression argument and God knows what next, they conveniently forget that in communist China and soviet union where heinous human rights violations were committed were Godless/antireligious societies, but I digress I want to wrap this up by saying I’m not arguing for or against religion, I am a Christian and I may have a bias but at the end of the day, if I can go super spiritual (it is my blog after all I am allowed lol) the beginning of all and everything is the creator, a life without him is bleak at best and nihilistic at worst, it is not too late to turn back or then again it may be.

Romans 1:21- For although they knew God, they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking, and their foolish hearts were darkened.
About The Author
Picked up the writing bug, when I was about 5/6 currently trying to share my experiences and stories, faith through words, full time graduate student at ohio university, part time, sometimes entrepreneur bubo hair and beauty.
I can be reached via email at, on IG:@ndidi_a


Why Do You Call Me Good?


Why Do You Call Me Good?

I think I would consider myself “a good person”, I mean by all standards if you met me and had a conversation with me, if you hung out with me a couple of times, you would realize I’m extremely polite, I don’t really have any vices, I’m respectful, I go to church on Sundays, I say my prayers at night, I obey the law, I do the occasional good deed ,I’m always fair and I’m mostly nice even when I don’t want to be, I’m all for social justice and human rights, so yeah, if there was some arbitrary measurement scale were people’s good deeds and kindness are measured I would probably score pretty well, I’m an all-around “good person”, whatever that may mean.
One bible passage that always strikes me as rather interesting, is the conversation between the rich young man and Jesus Christ, first off he starts the conversation by asking “Good Master, what shall I do that I may inherit eternal life?, before Jesus even addressed the question to the answer he asked him ‘Why do you call me good? There is none good but one, that is God. That sobered up all my self righteousness pretty fast. Really? Not even one? Yep, he said, none.
So stop. Stop trying to be a good person. I’m going to be honest and say that being a good person will not get you anywhere with God. I mean people will like you, they will love to be around you, they will call you nice, they will say you are responsible, your goodness might even be recognized internationally, but when it comes down to it, it doesn’t really mean much to God, because no matter how good you are you will never be good enough, you could really, really try to be the best person in the world, you can keep all the rules, always dot your t’s and cross your I’s but sadly it just won’t cut it.
There was a time when I thought being a Christian was about being a good person, I really did, I thought as long as you followed the rules, you went to church, you did the right thing, and then you get an automatic passport to heaven, and I mean being good all the time is hard!, it’s very hard, it’s exhausting, it’s restrictive, it’s by and large very impossible. Some days I don’t want to be good, I want to be selfish, I want to have a smart mouth and check someone who is talking reckless, I want to have a bad attitude, I don’t want to go to church, I don’t want to think of countless rules and regulations, do’s and don’ts, the weight of responsibility of being good and perfect will crush you, being good by God’s standards is humanly impossible.
So what makes us “good’’ or “acceptable” before God, only Jesus Christ, that’s it plain and simple, I have been a “Christian” for most of life and I just finally accepted and understood. We are only made righteous by Christ, not 70 days prayer and fasting, not endless night vigils, not going for/attending endless Christian conferences and revivals, not volunteering in the ministry, not healing the sick, not counselling, not providing shelter for the poor and needy, not paying our tithes, not sowing seeds, not evangelism, not participating in spiritual warfare, not religious dogma nothing but Jesus.
This is so liberating because what it simply means is that you come as you are, come with your struggles, come with your weaknesses, come with your strengths, come with your imperfections, come with all and everything that you are, God just wants you to come, believe and accept, and let him do the work of transforming and conforming you to the image of his son, that I may add is just a natural process of Christ taking over your life, not a prerequisite of acceptance. Christ is what makes you right with God, the good deeds are by products, always keep that in mind.
It’s funny how when all was said and done, regarding the rich young man and Jesus, when he got down to it, he really couldn’t give what was the most important thing of all which was himself for the gift of eternal life, oh he was willing and ready to do things, we are always so ready to do works , actions, deeds, we’re so ready to do so many things, be busy, but God doesn’t care about that the most important he wants is our heart, our willingness, he knows our works/what we count as righteousness are as filthy rags to him, that’s why he wants our hearts, that’s what he can work with, with an emphasis on him doing the work and not us.

About The Author
Picked up the writing bug, when I was about 5/6 currently trying to share my experiences and stories, faith through words, full time graduate student at ohio university, part time, sometimes entrepreneur bubo hair and beauty.
I can be reached via email at, on IG:@ndidi_a